Google Games

Google has a feature which automatically fills in search results based on the recent searches of Google users. This leads to some truly non-sequitur results:

First, some of the great questions of history. . .



Some of the political results are particularly odd:


And my apologies to Japanese girls but Google's three-for-three on this one:

Cup Stacker Accomplishes Coordinated Cup-Stacking

It's a fairly useless talent, but most are. This kid stacks cups like a beast. As one commenter points out: "Well, at least he's not doing coke."

Out-of-context Google searches

Something about the lack of grammar in the post referenced here makes it funnier. Click on the image to read clearly.

The Worst April Fool's Joke of All Time

Wake all of your friends and family up this morning and tell them: "Didja hear? April Fool's is canceled this year!" It's obvious upon obvious though it doesn't involve blinding chemicals or making people late for work (arguably the spirit of the holiday).

Related links:

100 Best April Fool's Pranks of All Time

Google suckers me into believing in the "Gmail Custom Time" feature

That's it! Fried chicken!

Does the new mailer from KFC seem a little. . . well, tacky?

Golden Half-Digested Comedy Bits

This isn't a video blog, nor is it a particularly commercial one - I posts what I likes and hope my readers resonate in some small way. Here's some of the peripheral stuff I've been doing lately:

This video of Elmo and Ricky Gervais shooting the breeze is wonderful. Something about Ricky poking the cutesy Muppet in the stomach and talking about "drugs, child abuse and the Holocaust" reminds me of the wonderful unscripted Fozzie/Kermit moments that came with The Muppet Movie.

My new comic Planet Techno is up. It's as close to what I had in mind as any of my strips so far.

Fans of The Office might want to check out this Fan Video. Or this one which does a bang-up job of recontextualizing the show as a modern horror film.

So very true, Aquaman.

I enjoyed the graphic novel Watchmen, so watching this short clip of the opening credits and trying to catch all of the references (both in-universe and relating to the story's alternate history) was a pretty sublime experience. Some disturbing imagery warning.

Finally: Obama's elf. Just watch it.

Google Image Searching For Metaphysical Concepts

How well does Google Image Search handle concepts? Click the following images to enlarge.

A Google Image search for "the human soul":


Does it match your mental image? Outer space, religious rites, creepy shapes and exactly one almost certainly unfunny cartoon.

A search for "regret":


I'd be depressed if my world was perpetually dimly lit and monochromatic.

Finally, I'm quite disappointed by the results for "truth":


And speaking of Image Search, here's somebody I hope never to meet:

A Byrd's Twitter

A highlight from a segment on yesterday's episode of The Colbert Report regarding congressional Twitter feeds. I'm surprised they didn't draw attention to the obvious pun on Byrd's name:


EDIT: I've changed the color for links from bright red. I can't justify or even remember making that decision in the first place.

Never-Neverland

I might not have the heart to vandalize Wikipedia, but Photoshop has no such qualms (click to enlarge):

Heteropoda Maxima: The Spider From Hell

It's not the creepiest spider in the world, but this image of a Heteropoda Maxima and its brood is one of the creepiest collections of pixels I've ever seen. I wish I had an attribution, but I can't find this outside of some random German webforum.

UPDATE: I posted this image on the xkcd forums, whose residents have been kind enough to post related images of predatory centipedes, bird-eating spiders and blankets of baby spiders. Lovers of creepy crawlies should check it out (don't worry - most of the images are in spoiler tags so you won't be confronted with them all at once.

A selection of artistic or questionable spam

I haven't checked my spam folder very much lately. Maybe I should:




Hmm. . . just download the attachment, you say? You'll have to click those images to view them clearly.

My Taco Bell Experience: The Way Things Should Have Gone

"Hi, I'd like to order the Chicken or Steak Burrito."

"Would you like chicken or steak?"

"What?"

"Chicken or steak?"

"Do I have to choose one or the other?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry. I was hoping to preserve the mystery. I was hoping you'd allow me one small surprise in my day of tedium. Now I'm afraid I'll be stealing fire sauce packets from your fine establishment."

Clumpy Sighting #2: Barkwire (SomethingAwful)

Another strange Clumpy sighting. I'm sure that nobody else will find this interesting, but I find it surreal enoguh to find a name I've associated with myself for so long repeated so many times.

Clumpy: Barkwire

Once again, reality fails to live up to my imagination. . .

I dreamed last night that I was enrolled in a university course for the coming semester on classic literature, taught by Patrick Stewart. Unfortunately I feel winter semester will not be quite so interesting.

What are the cereal mascots saying?

"It's a symphony of SUGAR!"

I think it's odd that the "Trix Rabbit" is identified by name by the product that society keeps from his perpetual grasp. Using this frustrated guy is like having Rosa Parks advertise the front of the bus.

And for the benefit of those I've argued with, Trix did ship in fruity shapes when I was a kid. I guess they didn't have room to write "New Boring Shape!" on this box.



"Cocoa Puffs: It's Like Smack in Your Veins(TM)!"

This is easily one of the most intense mascots I've ever seen. He's usually skateboarding on a chocolate ramp near a chocolate volcano spewing chocolate waves of magma over a chocolate landscape, taking bites of a chocolate cereal during a particularly-intense 900 under a chocolate sky.

"What have I told you kids about hanging out with that junkie bird?!"




This guy is probably the more well-adjusted of the bunch, despite the fact that he's always bashing through walls, leaving his tigerlicious outline in the now-weakened concrete.

Just once I'd like to see him go "They're not just good, they're GrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRAAAAAGHHHH" and go on a feral rampage. That would be some fine television.





That's all. This won't be a regular feature.

From the magical world of Facebook

Wait a minute - are some of those little Darth Vader helmets? Don't try to tell me that's supposed to be a feminine hairstyle:

Musings on Age. . .

Barack Obama will be the first U.S. President who is younger than my father. I wonder how it will influence my opinion of the then-current president when the same thing happens to me.

My first truly original joke. . .

Okay, so the Joker's walking over to this guy, and he's wearing these fabulous handknit scarves, and he says - get this - he says: "Would you like to know where I got these scarves?"

That one's going in to the Reader's Digest. Google confirms that I'm the first to think this up, for some reason. Groverfield might not have been the most original idea, but See Spock Run was untouched by search engines at the time of its inception. Good night and happy Día de los Muertos.

Facial Hair Rules and Codes

My school permits moustaches but disallows other types of facial hair. I think the rule might best be summed-up as follows:

"Our apologies - at this university you're not allowed to look like a subversive. Might we suggest something more in the way of the creepy pedophile look?"

Clumpy Wonders: Blank Checks

Why is a signed check with other empty fields called a "blank" check/cheque? Wouldn't a blank check contain no fields at all and thereby be uncashable? Just another mystery.