Kim Jong-Il Is Totally Dead

Finally, something besides these retarded Obama/Muslims rumors (though to call them "rumors" is probably being generous). The Times Online reports that there is, in fact, a possibility that Kim Jong-Il, North Korea's infamous (and infamously mocked) leader, has been dead since 2003, having died "of diabetes" late that year. Presumably they mean "complications from diabetes", as one doesn't really die from diabetes any more than they die from any other immune deficiency disease.

But, quibbles aside, there's every chance that our tyrant friend Kim isn't who we think he is:

There have been persistent reports that a stand-in appears for Kim at military parades and he is notoriously reclusive. He did not appear in public to receive the Olympic torch in Pyongyang on April 28.

The professor argues that no substantive policy decisions have been taken since North Korea joined nuclear disarmament talks in 2003.

I love a good conspiracy, though I'd be the first to admit that the truth or falsehood of this doesn't really make much of a difference in matters of policy, as no country is stupid enough to actually put their leader in charge. Heck, this has even made it to his Wikipedia page.