Thursday, May 15, 2008


Fear Factor's probably cancelled by now, but if there's still time for a new host the show's producers had better do a thorough psychological evaluation on him,* just to make sure he won't abuse his power.

After the remaining contestants have just been dragged by a horse through broken glass or something, the new host leads them into an empty room, before the camera crew and producers have had a chance to catch up, and suddenly gets extra professional:

"All right, everybody. Third challenge, for the million dollars. Poop your pants."

Uniform looks of disbelief all around. He looks at his watch.

"Ten seconds, for the million dollars. Get pooping. Nine, eight, seven, six . . ."

They might think that he's probably joking, but once you get that far, you're not going to take the chance. They'd probably have to move the real third challenge's shooting back a day, so that everybody has a chance to shower.

*I'm assuming for the purposes of this exercise that the new host would be mail. Any female celebrity's career would be killed by association. Boo, Hollywood sexism!

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